Through most of my life I have experienced enormous pressure and stress simply to survive minimally. The challenge of staying upright beneath the heavy weight of psychic agony, and the resultant challenges that engendered in me, felt enormous.
Then, one day I heard these words inwardly:
‘When you’re under great pressure the only choice that you have is to become a diamond or get crushed to dust.’
This gave me some solace about the arduous life path I’d evidently designed before entering this dimension. I felt angry and unhappy with the process and was eager to be done with it all. However, I liked the possible outcome of creating a diamond mind and a golden heart.
A quick Google search reveals that, ‘The name diamond derives from the Greek word adamas, meaning invincible.’ Isn’t that how we all want to be –– especially now that the whole world is under the vice-like grip (in both senses of that word) that the official reaction to the pandemic has precipitated?
What an opportunity we now face –– if we are not suffering from or frightened by the ravages of COVID. I believe the darkness may work as a catalyst for our accelerated evolution from our fixed identification with EGO-centricity to the transcendent perspective of GEO-centricity.
On another occasion, I heard inwardly,
‘The fire that stole the tree now lights the diamond.’
This beautiful, poetic statement really lit me up. I thought about the conflagration that had burned through my childhood and devastated my self-esteem. When I emerged from the ashes in my early thirties, I was truly convinced that I was ugly, evil, crazy and backward.
The greatest source of solace for me from my earliest years –– up to and including this present moment –– has been playing with words and letters of the Alphabet and allowing them to inform me deeply. Now –– though I still am living marginally, I am mostly in a place of gracious spaciousness internally. This allows me to enjoy my own Beauty of Being even in rather compromised surroundings.
Six years ago, I moved from my home of 30 years in Southern California and rented a room in a succession of homes in the Pacific Northwest. The purpose was to be near my son and his family – and to have a more interesting, adventurous life. Each new living space has been like a new stage set with another troop of actors engaging with me in Living Theatre. And because I do my best to accept it all without judgment, I have seen a remarkable transformation in the type of characters I engage with in the ‘play,’ and in the quality of our resonance and interactions.
Magic happens daily. And just the other day, while on a hike in a rural canyon in Sylmar, CA, my attention was drawn to a glittering object in the dirt. I picked it up and saw that it looked like a large, multi-faceted diamond. What a token, what a gift, and what a message for me that I have arrived at my destination –– in both my consciousness and with my creative gift –– to a far greater degree than ever before.
Perhaps the bauble came from a child’s necklace or jewelry-making kit. I put it in my pocket to carry back to my current home. And after showing it to friends, I put it in my jewelry box. The next day, as I wrote in my Gratitude Journal, which is how I start each day, I had the sense that I was to wear this token – perhaps over my throat chakra or maybe over my heart.
One of the many important things I am discovering through the refining process of being essentially homeless and depending on Providence to carry me forward, is that we are carried along by a force far larger and more compassionate and intelligent that what we could conjure with our own mental strategies. This means I can live without fear as I become an ever more clear, shiny and multi-faceted being with a gift and a message to share with the world.
By the way, the word Paragon means a ‘model of excellence.’ It also means a perfect pearl –– and a diamond of 100 carats. May we each facet the shining diamond of our Being and the golden heart that is the treasure that we carry in our chest.